warning: possible LONG post. but NEED advice.
i'm not gonna lie. this has been my hardest year yet with life. i'm not going to say it's been a bad year b/c it wasn't. just hard. and i feel like it's going to either spin out-of-control or i'm going to get my shit 2gether.
brian and i have been 2gether for 1 year and almost 8 months. and the first 5 of those months where spent apart b/c of my basic training. which were great months. he wrote me everyday (almost), sent me care-packages, and even came to my graduation that was 10 hours away. i got home and things got a little rocky at the beginning, but we found our way. a few months being home - we move in 2gether. and it gets rocky again but doesn't smoothe out like b4. the past 6 months end up getting worse. idk where we fell off the wagon ya know?
i know i am by no means an easy person. if anything i am as difficult as someone can get. and i hate it. i know it's apart of who i am but i want 2 change it so bad. yet it seems impossible..
for instance. he'll do something so small that will bother me and it will instantly piss me off. alot of people have told me i just need 2 "pick and choose my battles" but it's like i can't control it. i get really angry (but in my mind i know i shouldn't). and i start a fight. and it blows in2 a bigger fight b/c i bring up everything else i've been bothered with whether it happend 7 days ago or 7 months ago. this is almost every fight..
it's like i don't know how 2 control my emotions or how 2 "pick and choose my battles". i want us 2 be happy again and i know it's possible but idk where 2 start ya know? i feel like every fight is closer 2 the end and it breaks my heart 2 even think that. i know he's the love of my life; the person i want to marry. but the harder i try the worse it gets = (
idk how 2 NOT sweat the small stuff. idk how 2 let go of things that really shouldn't affect my life. i know some of this comes with age. a lot of people have told me that. but i know there's something i can do now 2 help.
i'm tired of thinking the absolute worst of every situation. i want the old me back again, the happy go-lucky person i was b4 i left for the military. i just don't know where to find myself or how 2 even begin 2 look..
i'm not gonna lie. this has been my hardest year yet with life. i'm not going to say it's been a bad year b/c it wasn't. just hard. and i feel like it's going to either spin out-of-control or i'm going to get my shit 2gether.
brian and i have been 2gether for 1 year and almost 8 months. and the first 5 of those months where spent apart b/c of my basic training. which were great months. he wrote me everyday (almost), sent me care-packages, and even came to my graduation that was 10 hours away. i got home and things got a little rocky at the beginning, but we found our way. a few months being home - we move in 2gether. and it gets rocky again but doesn't smoothe out like b4. the past 6 months end up getting worse. idk where we fell off the wagon ya know?
i know i am by no means an easy person. if anything i am as difficult as someone can get. and i hate it. i know it's apart of who i am but i want 2 change it so bad. yet it seems impossible..
for instance. he'll do something so small that will bother me and it will instantly piss me off. alot of people have told me i just need 2 "pick and choose my battles" but it's like i can't control it. i get really angry (but in my mind i know i shouldn't). and i start a fight. and it blows in2 a bigger fight b/c i bring up everything else i've been bothered with whether it happend 7 days ago or 7 months ago. this is almost every fight..
it's like i don't know how 2 control my emotions or how 2 "pick and choose my battles". i want us 2 be happy again and i know it's possible but idk where 2 start ya know? i feel like every fight is closer 2 the end and it breaks my heart 2 even think that. i know he's the love of my life; the person i want to marry. but the harder i try the worse it gets = (
idk how 2 NOT sweat the small stuff. idk how 2 let go of things that really shouldn't affect my life. i know some of this comes with age. a lot of people have told me that. but i know there's something i can do now 2 help.
i'm tired of thinking the absolute worst of every situation. i want the old me back again, the happy go-lucky person i was b4 i left for the military. i just don't know where to find myself or how 2 even begin 2 look..
Life is rough. You can't control how you feel, BUT my advice would be try and step back and take a deep breath before "going off on him". Make sure it's worth the fight. I know that I used to get angry and go off at the drop of a hat, but I learned that in the end, the fight is not worth it.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to realize but guys are nothing like girls and most of the time they don't even realize what they are doing would upset us. They don't take things to heart like we do and they don't get upset about the small things. I know that Nick and I have our fights, but we've learned that it's not worth it to bicker over the small things.
Also, I would suggest writing down your annoyances/things that make you angry. Just write them down and let him see them. That way he can try to work on those things and avoid a blow up. Sometimes it's easier if he can just read what is wrong, avoid getting into an argument about it, and try to work on it before a fight occurs.
I am sure I'll have more advice the more I think about this. Just know I love you tons and I know Brian does as well. You guys will figure things out.PS being pregnant does NOT help with those "outbursts".